Don’t ask Why

I’ve been considering destiny and chance (for a long time) and recently came upon a humbling thought that has amplified the sadness and frustration in my heart. If a person has been born with many talents and doesn’t use them to their fullest potential, it seems to me that those people don’t suffer the consequences of squandering their talent. Conversely, if a person has been born with many talents and makes full use of them, there seems to be no guarantee that person will benefit from using his talents to their fullest.

I can recall surprisingly many instances where I should have died, yet here I am. Why?. . . That question is destroying me and I should never ask it of myself in a spiritual, philosophical or psychological respect ever again because there is NO answer and there is no benefit in considering it.

I have been blessed with the gift of bringing forth some of the most innovative and beautiful paintings I have ever seen. The process fulfills me. I am inspired and enthusiasm flows through me. I feel as though I am fulfilling a responsibility. I am a mother bringing each new painting into this world. It feels that powerful and important to me. But then, when I turn around holding these beautiful children in my arms in offering to the world; I find myself standing at the edge of an abysmally deep, dark chasm of apathy, ambivalence and disinterest.

How does someone who is offering the fullest measure of their soul handle and continue to live in a world of people so deeply asleep?

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